#DAILYDRAW: Judgement, reversed
Upright: Judgement, rebirth, inner calling, absolution
Reversed: Self-doubt, refusal of self-examination
Funny that I pull this card today, because yesterday, I was just saying that I didn't feel ready for the Nine of Coins card that I had pulled.
Anyone who knows me will agree with the fact that I overthink things, that I'm self-deprecating, that I lack confidence, that I am tragically introverted. I'm fully aware of it, and I use it as a crutch. I'm not sure why, to be honest. It's possible that it's simply fear. Fear of greatness, fear of everything falling apart, fear of being remembered for something, fear of letting people in, fear of getting too close. I'm very closed off and apprehensive about people and things. As Tsunami Bomb once put it, "Count on nobody and no one will let you down." I mean let's be real, this song was my jam in what, 2004? And I still totally identify with it. Man, I was such a cool scenester. 🙄
But for serious. Now, more than ever, I feel like my fears hold me back. My life, to put it dramatically, was a trainwreck. I had no focus, I was failing at everything, I wanted to do everything, yet remained stuck.
And here i am now, afraid to take a chance, afraid to shine, afraid to let it go.
I need t get over, don't I?